Look Around

We can be seriously oblivious, can't we?

Since our third baby went to heaven at 13 weeks gestation last month, I feel like I've been seeing life differently. Sad fact I learned? I have been very, very selfish. I usually think of myself as one of the most empathetic people I know. Sometimes I feel emotions for other people to an extreme degree.

But sometimes? I have been selfish. I haven't wanted to know what people's hurts felt like, how my facebook statuses might make them feel, haven't wanted to know the bittersweet feelings that come when you learn of other people's happiness.

Sometimes we face sadness in life. Expectations that go unfulfilled. Dreams that don't come true. Babies that you're expecting and then...unexpecting, at least this side of heaven.

Is that hard?

Yes.

But what I've realized is that life moves on, and other people are still hurting. And celebrating. And despite what I am going through, I need to do both of those things with the other people in my life.

Am I over-the-moon excited for you when you post a pregnancy announcement and let your friends know your good news. Yes. A thousand times yes. Please post those announcements.

Does a part of my heart sting when I think about how close our babies would have been if mine hadn't gone to heaven before she could even be born?

...Yes.

But it's funny. Having that baby as a part of my life has taught me something, something I alluded to in my last post because I've found it to be true in so many areas over the last few weeks. We are never alone. It's easy in situations like this to get inward focused. It's somewhat justified. After all, we are hurting and I'm not suggesting we ignore that. But only having an inward focus isn't healthy. It's selfish.

My heart may sting when I read pregnancy announcements. And it would be easy to stop there, cry, make myself some hot chocolate, and focus on myself.

But what about my friends who dream of having their own family and aren't married yet? What about my friends who pray and cry and long for a baby and haven't had that prayer answered with a "yes" yet? What about my friends with babies they are waiting to adopt, who are stuck thousands of miles away from little ones who are legally theirs, who still can't take them home yet? (Yes, that last one happens, is happening right now.)

Other people are hurting too.

And you know what? You might not even realize it. You might have passed them at the grocery store this morning and thought they looked normal and never, ever realized what they are going through right now.

But when you hurt, please it's not just you.

It's not just me either.

Whether it seems big to you or small, when compared to your circumstances, many people are hurting in some way.

Want to know what else I've realized lately while you're letting that last truth sink in? Maybe thinking about others hurting makes you want to minister to them in some way. But guess what...They aren't going to share with you when they are hurting and let you help them carry that burden unless you are willing to share your burden with them and let them cry with you.

Look around. I'm not saying we have to dwell on the hurts in life. Celebrate with those who are celebrating. Please don't let your sorrows crowd in on their celebration.

But also be ready to cry with those who are crying. Hurt with those who are hurting.

And let them do that with you too.