Look Around

We can be seriously oblivious, can't we?

Since our third baby went to heaven at 13 weeks gestation last month, I feel like I've been seeing life differently. Sad fact I learned? I have been very, very selfish. I usually think of myself as one of the most empathetic people I know. Sometimes I feel emotions for other people to an extreme degree.

But sometimes? I have been selfish. I haven't wanted to know what people's hurts felt like, how my facebook statuses might make them feel, haven't wanted to know the bittersweet feelings that come when you learn of other people's happiness.

Sometimes we face sadness in life. Expectations that go unfulfilled. Dreams that don't come true. Babies that you're expecting and then...unexpecting, at least this side of heaven.

Is that hard?

Yes.

But what I've realized is that life moves on, and other people are still hurting. And celebrating. And despite what I am going through, I need to do both of those things with the other people in my life.

Am I over-the-moon excited for you when you post a pregnancy announcement and let your friends know your good news. Yes. A thousand times yes. Please post those announcements.

Does a part of my heart sting when I think about how close our babies would have been if mine hadn't gone to heaven before she could even be born?

...Yes.

But it's funny. Having that baby as a part of my life has taught me something, something I alluded to in my last post because I've found it to be true in so many areas over the last few weeks. We are never alone. It's easy in situations like this to get inward focused. It's somewhat justified. After all, we are hurting and I'm not suggesting we ignore that. But only having an inward focus isn't healthy. It's selfish.

My heart may sting when I read pregnancy announcements. And it would be easy to stop there, cry, make myself some hot chocolate, and focus on myself.

But what about my friends who dream of having their own family and aren't married yet? What about my friends who pray and cry and long for a baby and haven't had that prayer answered with a "yes" yet? What about my friends with babies they are waiting to adopt, who are stuck thousands of miles away from little ones who are legally theirs, who still can't take them home yet? (Yes, that last one happens, is happening right now.)

Other people are hurting too.

And you know what? You might not even realize it. You might have passed them at the grocery store this morning and thought they looked normal and never, ever realized what they are going through right now.

But when you hurt, please it's not just you.

It's not just me either.

Whether it seems big to you or small, when compared to your circumstances, many people are hurting in some way.

Want to know what else I've realized lately while you're letting that last truth sink in? Maybe thinking about others hurting makes you want to minister to them in some way. But guess what...They aren't going to share with you when they are hurting and let you help them carry that burden unless you are willing to share your burden with them and let them cry with you.

Look around. I'm not saying we have to dwell on the hurts in life. Celebrate with those who are celebrating. Please don't let your sorrows crowd in on their celebration.

But also be ready to cry with those who are crying. Hurt with those who are hurting.

And let them do that with you too.

In Explanation of My Facebook Status.

Confession.

I'm not sure I'm going to publish this post.

But I have things on my mind today...and who am I kidding, I am going to share this, even if I don't really want to, because what if you're struggling with the same things I am? What if you're wondering about this to? What if...it's not just me? Not just you.

It's not, by the way. I've decided that's one of Satan's favorite lies, telling us that we are the only ones who feel this way. That we are alone. Isolated. That what we're going through is somehow something that no one else on this earth can relate to.

Think about it.

I'm digressing already. Today I'm thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Ah, the perfect topic, right? Here's where I launch into telling you about the laundry I've done this morning, and how I made crayons from scratch and fabricated my own paper so my children could color, and how I already have dinner planned for the next 387986786 nights.

Haha, just kidding.

I did unload the dishwasher this morning, but that's pretty much it.

You know what, though? I think we focus on the certain parts of this chapter more than others. It's not uncommon for women to be perfectionists, to be overachievers. We like measurable goals so we can say "hey, see what a good job I did?" And so even when we focus on the verses about what the Proverbs 31 woman does, in a way, we like to do that. It's safe for us. It's something everyone can see, whether or not you're productive. No one is hiding that.

Look at Proverbs 31:25. I'm using the NLT here, because I think it really catches me off guard and makes me think. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

Can we be honest now? Do you? Do you laugh without fear of the future? Without worrying about the what-ifs? Do you laugh at all, or are you so busy trying to be the "perfect" woman that you miss the fact that this verse is included at all?

Part of me wants to argue with this verse. Surely this woman being described is intelligent. Doesn't she get that sometimes the future is worth worrying over? Okay, maybe not, worry is a sin. At the very least, doesn't she understand that sometimes laughter is irresponsible? What, does she have her head in the sand?

No. No. No.

This verse is harder to explain away, harder to ignore to me than all of the verses that precede it that we keep trying to live up to (oftentimes in a way that's unrealistic, but there I go, digressing again). But I think it's part of what sets a woman of God apart from the seemingly "perfect" put together, laundry doing, candle making women who can accomplish so much even while they don't have God in their lives.

It's something on our insides.

You can fake a laugh.

You can do a zillion dishes.

But in your heart, are you truly able to laugh without fear of the future?

Why? Why not?

I think maybe even more than our pretty dishes, than our doing all the things we've pinned on pinterest, more than us only serving our kids organic chicken nuggets and greeting our husbands every day with a cold glass of sweet tea and a ribbon in our hair...God cares about our hearts.

About what's inside.

About our ability to laugh. Freely.

Fearlessly.