In Explanation of My Facebook Status.

Confession.

I'm not sure I'm going to publish this post.

But I have things on my mind today...and who am I kidding, I am going to share this, even if I don't really want to, because what if you're struggling with the same things I am? What if you're wondering about this to? What if...it's not just me? Not just you.

It's not, by the way. I've decided that's one of Satan's favorite lies, telling us that we are the only ones who feel this way. That we are alone. Isolated. That what we're going through is somehow something that no one else on this earth can relate to.

Think about it.

I'm digressing already. Today I'm thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Ah, the perfect topic, right? Here's where I launch into telling you about the laundry I've done this morning, and how I made crayons from scratch and fabricated my own paper so my children could color, and how I already have dinner planned for the next 387986786 nights.

Haha, just kidding.

I did unload the dishwasher this morning, but that's pretty much it.

You know what, though? I think we focus on the certain parts of this chapter more than others. It's not uncommon for women to be perfectionists, to be overachievers. We like measurable goals so we can say "hey, see what a good job I did?" And so even when we focus on the verses about what the Proverbs 31 woman does, in a way, we like to do that. It's safe for us. It's something everyone can see, whether or not you're productive. No one is hiding that.

Look at Proverbs 31:25. I'm using the NLT here, because I think it really catches me off guard and makes me think. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

Can we be honest now? Do you? Do you laugh without fear of the future? Without worrying about the what-ifs? Do you laugh at all, or are you so busy trying to be the "perfect" woman that you miss the fact that this verse is included at all?

Part of me wants to argue with this verse. Surely this woman being described is intelligent. Doesn't she get that sometimes the future is worth worrying over? Okay, maybe not, worry is a sin. At the very least, doesn't she understand that sometimes laughter is irresponsible? What, does she have her head in the sand?

No. No. No.

This verse is harder to explain away, harder to ignore to me than all of the verses that precede it that we keep trying to live up to (oftentimes in a way that's unrealistic, but there I go, digressing again). But I think it's part of what sets a woman of God apart from the seemingly "perfect" put together, laundry doing, candle making women who can accomplish so much even while they don't have God in their lives.

It's something on our insides.

You can fake a laugh.

You can do a zillion dishes.

But in your heart, are you truly able to laugh without fear of the future?

Why? Why not?

I think maybe even more than our pretty dishes, than our doing all the things we've pinned on pinterest, more than us only serving our kids organic chicken nuggets and greeting our husbands every day with a cold glass of sweet tea and a ribbon in our hair...God cares about our hearts.

About what's inside.

About our ability to laugh. Freely.

Fearlessly.