Squishing Bugs

When you first become a pastors wife, no one tells you about the bugs.

No, not bugs like technological problems, though as someone in ministry, you'll almost certainly have to deal with a demon possessed sound system at some point.

Not bugs in any kind of deep metaphorical sense, like "problems" in the church that need to be dealt with.

Just normal bugs. The squrimy, crawly kind. The kind that, as a pastor's wife, it is apparently my job to kill.

Here's the story. There was a roach crawling up the wall in our activities building. I don't want to talk about how many roaches inhabit that building, but suffice it to say that when my husband and I make coffee, we never take the top filter from the cabinet just in case it's been crawled on (or worse...shudder). I'm in this building a few months ago with a group of women from the church and when someone sees the nasty little critter and shrieks, the first words out of her mouth are "You kill it! You're the pastor's wife. It's your job!"

Did I kill the bug? Ha. No. I hate bugs. Plus, I'm allergic to cockroaches, so I feel like it was legitimate. I actually don't remember what happened to it. Hopefully someone killed him because otherwise he's sure to turn up some Sunday night in the future during our Bible study.

The point is, whether you're a pastor's wife or not, in whatever role you find yourself, someone is going to have in their mind a "job" that is supposed to be "your job." Most likely it's something that's not glamorous. That no one else wants to do. It's not how we as women handle the things in life we enjoy doing that says something impressive about our character or godliness, it's the things we hate doing that we do with a cheerful attitude anyway. It's squishing bugs, doing dishes, cleaning up yucky diapers, changing the toner on the copier, or whatever "dirty" duties your job requires. Whatever we do should be for God's glory, just like it says in 1 Corinthians 10:31. But this doesn't just require action, it requires the right attitude.

So maybe next time someone tells me it's my job to bring about the demise of a yucky cockroach, I'll give it a try. With something resembling a smile on my face.

Confessions From the Fishbowl

I used to love going to doctor’s offices with aquariums in the waiting room. I would stand next to them and look at all the fish inside, sometimes making fishy faces at them, and watch them swim around and go about their normal lives. Now that my husband is a pastor and I’ve been labeled with the official title of “pastor’s wife,” I wish I could go back to those fish and apologize for my invasion of their privacy. I have something in common with those fish now—I too live my life behind glass.

Ministry life is a wonderful experience and I am so blessed to have been called to partner with my husband in what is his life’s calling. I thank God for the opportunities He gives us to share our lives and our faith with people and I wouldn’t trade this adventure He’s got us on for the world.

Sometimes it’s challenging, though. Sometimes it feels like no one else really understands—except for other pastors wives, and sometimes it seems like I can’t talk to them either. I’m worried admitting my imperfections won’t spur the same kind of honesty in them and that I’ll come away feeling just as alone as I did before. Vulnerability isn’t easy for anyone.
Jennifer AILee made my life a little easier a few months ago. She’s an author, not a pastors wife, but somehow she managed to look right into my world (I know, the glass makes that easier) and imagine what it would be like to be in the fishbowl with me. Her new book The Pastor’s Wife is a great look inside the ministry and gives anyone who reads it a new understanding of that enigma who probably sits near the front of your church, smiling up at her husband as he preaches every Sunday.

The main character of The Pastor’s Wife is Maura Sullivan. She and her husband Nick have been separated for six years. They’re brought back together because one of Nick’s congregation members has passed away and remembered both Mara and her estranged husband in her will. The conditions to receive their inheritance are more than either of them thinks they can handle: Mara must move back into the parsonage for a minimum of six months. Even though she and Nick are still technically married, she hesitates to fulfill this condition of the will, but she is determined to receive her inheritance—an old theater in desperate need of love—so she does what she has to do and moves back in.

The storyline of The Pastor’s Wife is engaging and the reader won’t be able to put the book down until he or she has experienced all the trials and triumphs of ministry life along with Nick and Maura. Behind the whole plot is the obvious hand of a loving God who wants what’s best for his people, and a beautiful love story that will leave the reader with a contented smile.



























*I'm legally supposed to tell you that I received a reviewers copy of this book for free, but if I hadn't, I would have bought it. It was great!*

Cloudy Days

We've had more cloudy days lately than I think we've ever had at this time of year. This isn't a huge problem for me--I love cloudy days in winter--but I know some people don't. And to be honest, they even start to get old for me after four days or so.

The weather has a funny way of affecting our moods. When you wake up to sunshine streaming into your eyes, don't you know it's going to be a good day? (after you recover from the slightly rude awakening...) When it's raining outside and has been for days, doesn't your mood suffer a little bit?

I was reading a friend's blog today and she'd written about complaining and cynicism. Ouch! I didn't ask for that kind of conviction! I was looking for lunch hour entertainment. But I think God had something to remind me of through it, and I wanted to pass it along just in case you need reminding too.

Our mood shouldn't be dictated by our circumstances. I'm not even talking our spiritual, inner, Christian "joy". I'm talking about our mood. Just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you should be grumpy and ruin the day of those around you. You have to make an effort to shift your attitude when you don't feel like it, but it's worth it. I guarentee the people you come into contact with every day will think so.

So...whether it's cloudy where you are or not, don't let your mood me affected. Be happy--or at least content--anyway.

Fall Cleaning?

Well, I finally did it.  I broke out of my comfort zone, listened to God (what a novel concept...) and decided that it was time to open my home to people from the church.

So far it's gone pretty well.  People are extraordinarily curious about a pastor's home.  Who knew?  I've had people asking those who have been here to give them details about what our house looks like, and someone even requested pictures.  :)  

All that said, I decided it was time to clean my house.  And not just vacuum and dust like I do three times a week already--if by three times a week you mean three times a month.  I decided it's time to rid myself of the clutter and make the house functionally clean so that if someone from church DOES stop by unannounced, I won't have to close the blinds and hide under my dining room table.

So today, September 12th, I declare official fall cleaning day.  My sister challenged people on her blog to give up something you spend too much money on (Starbucks, anyone?).  I'm adapting her idea here.  Look around your house.  I know we all struggle with clutter.  What do you have tucked away in corners that you're never going to need again?  The TV Guide from 1989?  Shoes that don't fit you?  A sweater that went of style long ago--if it ever was in style to begin with?  We collect different useless things.  What are yours?  How can you use this fall to get rid of them so that when it's winter and it's time to just spend time inside, snuggled in your living room in front of the fire with a book and a cup of tea, you'll be able to relax and not be distracted by the mess?

Happy cleaning!  And happy fall!  Bring on the cool weather...

Accountability and Honesty

It's so hard sometimes to find people to encourage you and lift you up in prayer when you're a pastor's wife--or really anyone in a leadership role.  How do we walk that delicate line between being "real" and still being the example that it seems some people really see us as (whether they always should or not)?  

I'm a member of an online group for pastor's wives, and I love it.  It's so encouraging to just talk about anything and everything without anyone knowing details about who you are, where you live, or what your church situation is like.  It's free from judgement, where real life is not always.  Well, a few ladies from this group got together a couple weeks ago and decided to have an accountability group.  We're helping each other stay on top of quiet times, prayer times, and other times with God that should be at the top of our priority lists but often slip further towards the bottom, whether because of business, being busy "doing" things for God, or other things in life that distract us.  It's been great so far, being able to admit that I'm human, that I have shortcomings, and that I need prayer.  

Those of you who may read this and aren't pastors wives, you'd be surprised how many struggle with having a daily quiet time.  I talk to my hubby about this, and he said it made perfect sense--not only are pw's often busy, but satan will look for ways to destroy a ministry in any way he can.  Every day that I am not walking with God as a should, satan is getting a small victory that may show in different ways--me not prioritizing, being grumpy with hubby because I haven't been close to God lately, being too focusing on works and not faith--we have to be so careful.

All this is to say--you're not alone if you struggle with this or anything else.  I love that song by Casting Crowns, "Stained Glass Masquerade".  If you haven't heard it, go listen on youtube.  It too often describes the state of our churches.  Make an effort this week to be diligent in your walk with God, and to resist the urge to shoot the wounded Christians you may encounter, but instead to encourage them that no one is perfect, to keep trying and not give up, and to continue to pray for them.  

Lighten Your Mood 101

So one of my friends today was brainstorming a list of things she could send me to remind me that it's okay to be a little bit crazy, even when you're a pastors wife.  Nothing super rebellious (which is good--I'm certainly not advocating rebellion since God definitely seems to be against it), but a lot of funny things.  Here a couple of her ideas...

1.  Bright colored nail polish (I admit I have painted my nails blue before the intention of wearing it to church to see what the older women in our congregation would have to say, but it looked awful.)

2.  Loud, clunky jewelry.

I feel like either of those would lighten my mood on some days when I just want to find some curtains for this fishbowl where I live and make everyone stop looking at me.  If you're not a pastors wife--laugh, be entertained.  And maybe think about buying your pastors wife some bright nail polish (she can at least wear it on her toenails) if she seems to be having a bad day.  

If you are a pastor's wife--I also highly recommend red high heels.  Not only does it make you feel tall and bold, they're also super cute.

Alright, here's your turn.  Does anyone have other ideas of silly little things women can do to have a little harmless fun and quit taking themselves too seriously?

The Face I Don't See in the Mirror

            I can see her in my mind.  The perfect pastor’s wife.  She’s about five foot four, petite, with perfectly styled blond hair and a sweet smile.

            She looks nothing like me.

            But when I married my husband last year and he became the pastor of a little church in our small southern town, I became a pastors wife. 

            I do believe that was the moment when the world stopped spinning normally on its axis. 

            I love being a pastor’s wife.  I also love being me.  Sometimes it seems like the two won’t fit together, and a struggle ensues inside of me.  I fight with expectations—my own are usually the worst—and strive to live life in a way that pleases God and makes everyone other individual on the planet happy as well. 

            I know I’m not the only one who does this.  Pastors wife or not, all of us have felt expectations.  There are articles online, in women’s magazines, in the newspaper, everywhere we’re seeing the struggle of women to accomplish the most incredible task—being herself.  It seems like something that sounds so easy should be, well, easy.  Why isn’t it, do you think?

            This blog is about my life as more than a stereotype.  It's about having the courage to be espresso in a latte world.

    I know I'm not the only one on this journey--so join me.  I'd love to hear your stories, too.